I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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