So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
