Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
