i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
