After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
