if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Randomize
