she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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