If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
