The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
