sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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