I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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