I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
