? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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