i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
