I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
