Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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