I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
