So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
