it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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