careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
