When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
