You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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