You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize