Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
