haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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