I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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