3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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