Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
