I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Every concussion has its silver lining
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
