ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
