can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
