I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
