as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
