My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
