she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
