There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
