You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
