That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your penis caused this!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
