Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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