You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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