Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
