so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
