look no pants
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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