She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
