Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
