nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
