the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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