"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
