If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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