Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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