what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize