Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
