I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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