It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
