PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
