he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
