Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
