you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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