you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
