Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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