Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
