I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize