So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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