hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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