There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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