five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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