i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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