$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
don't judge my taste in strippers
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
