my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
