I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's get the cat blown out
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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