i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
two words: eviction party
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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