careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
