sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize