you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
