im holly from the hills drunk
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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