Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Michael Bay diarrhea
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
