I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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