i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
