Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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