I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have already put on my inside pants.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
