I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
