This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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