Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't think brook has ever known best
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
