My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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