Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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