you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
