My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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