I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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