Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
