just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize