I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
