I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
