when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize