like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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