just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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