I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
