sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
