the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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