Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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