are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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