I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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