That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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