Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
