I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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