Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
