Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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