i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
